The Christmas That Almost Wasn't
by flutegirl.anita
Summary: Lou waits for Kid to come home.


Lou yawned as the sun was setting over a new blanket of freshly fallen snow. The chores had all been done on her small farm. The firewood was all chopped and stacked, her horse, Lightning, was watered and fed for the night, the cow and goat had been milked, the sheep had been fed and the chickens were roosting as their eggs had been gathered that morning. The fire in the fireplace was crackling and the smells of a hearty supper wafted in the air. It was Christmas Eve and the tiny house she lived in was finally warming up. Even though the house only had one room, today, it felt cavernous and empty. Her husband was off to war and she had not seen nor heard from him in nearly a year. Kid enlisted in the cavalry as soon as they had arrived in Virginia back in January and said the war would not last long. He promised to be back for Christmas at the latest. Christmas was nearly upon her and Lou had spent the last week making sure everything would be perfect for Kid's return.

A small cooing sound distracted Lou from her preparations. She walked over to a small cradle next to her bed. Her son, Henry was nestled inside still asleep, but only now starting to stir. The infant was nearly three months old and this would be their first Christmas together. Lou could not wait for the look on Kid's face when he saw his son for the first time. Lou had tried to send word to Kid when she found out she was pregnant, but she did not know if any of her letters ever made it to Kid. Surely, if they had he would have come home straight away. She could not really concern herself with that now. Kid would be home soon and she still needed to decorate the tree.

It was hard for Lou not to lose hope and give into despair. She had no idea if Kid was even alive. She just clung to Kid's promise to be home for the holiday. Lou had spent most of the week looking out the frosted windows for tell tale signs of Kid or Katy, his trusty painted pony. The road that wound through the trees was always empty. Not a living soul had visited their home in months. She had had an elderly neighbor named, Ruby, but she had succumbed to influenza a couple of months ago. Ruby had reminded her simultaneously of Teaspoon and Emma with her caring heart and wild stories. She had helped her see Henry into the world and Lou and Henry had seen Ruby out of this one.

Lou really missed having her family around. Kid had hidden her up here so no one could find her or hurt her. Lou was fine with that for the most part, because she understood. Of course, that did not make her any less lonely. Even after she left the orphanage at fourteen years of age, Lou liked being around people. She was never one for the solitary life. It was like coming home when she joined the Pony Express. She had been taking care of others and herself for so long it was nice when she had a mother again in Emma. From the moment Teaspoon called her 'puny but spry' the other riders had treated her first like a younger brother and then a sister. She had taken care of her own younger siblings for so long, it was really nice to be taken care of and looked out for, for a change. Lou had never let them know how much she appreciated it and often snapped at the other boys if they hovered too much. She needed to look out for them too. She still needed to. She often wondered what had happened to everyone. Cody and Jimmy had gone off to war too, but for the North. She hoped and prayed they were alright too. As far as she knew Buck, Rachel, and Teaspoon were still in Rock Creek. It didn't seem right that they were all scattered to the wind when they should all be together. Lou didn't like being alone and did not like the thought that everyone she cared about was living the same way.

Sometimes, especially now, Lou wished she was able to cope better just being on her own. She almost envied Jimmy and Buck for their ease in dealing with being alone. Both of them sometimes craved the solitude. That was something Lou just could not understand. Sure she had on occasion pushed people away, but what she really wanted was for people to see through that and come closer. That is what Kid always did instinctively. Sometimes she thought she hated him for it, because she was sure it was a weakness she needed to overcome, but she really loved him for it. Lou let a tear fall. She did not tell Kid enough how much his being with her meant to her. She thought once they got married, that she would never be alone again. She was wrong. She wanted to be with him on the battlefield, but knew that would only cause him to be careless about his life. She needed him to come back to her. She needed that more than ever now.

Lou walked over to the window and put a lit candle near the frosty glass. She would shine a light into the darkness and guide Kid home. That was probably what was keeping him. It was so dark and forested up where their house was. In the dark it would be nearly impossible to find. The soft glow from the candle already made the room more festive. Lou walked over to the tiny Christmas tree she had brought in. It was about three feet tall and had been growing about twenty feet away from the house. Lou had chopped it down and brought it inside just this morning. She talked to Henry and rocked his cradle while she strung popcorn up into a garland and wound it around the modest tree. She opened a small wooden box that contained a few small ornaments. There was a glass ball that Emma left at the station, a metal snowflake that Cody had given her, a string of beads that Jimmy said had belonged to his mother, and a horse that Buck had carved. She hung the ornaments carefully on the delicate branches of the tree and stood back to look at her work. It was almost like having her family near her again. The house was ready and all she needed now was Kid.

Henry started to fuss and Lou knew by the uncomfortable tightness in her breasts that it was well past time for Henry to be fed. Lou smiled excitedly as she moved a rocking chair in line with the door. If Kid came home now, the first thing he would see was his son nursing from her bosom. He would rush over to her, hesitate and then lower himself to one knee next to her. His face would light up as he smiled proudly at his wife and son. Lou gently picked up Henry out of the cradle and sat in the rocking chair. She unbuttoned her blouse and Henry latched onto her breast. Lou leaned back, and let the rocking of the chair and the gentle rhythm of Henry's suckling calm her. In the soft lamp and candle light they made a pretty picture to come home to. It would be perfect. Now all Kid had to do was walk through that door.

Moving Henry to her other breast, Lou frowned, but still looked hopefully at the door. Kid was running out of time to see his family in this tender moment. She knew she was being silly and that things seldom worked out perfectly, but she really wanted a moment just like this one to greet Kid as he came back to her and their family. Lou wanted him to see them and know he could never leave her again.

Henry detached himself from her breast and Lou fastened the buttons to her blouse. She stood up and paced in front of the door holding Henry against her trying to get him to burp. The beautiful family picture was still there. The mother and child in a lovingly intimate pose she was determined to maintain was still intact. Henry let out a nice burp and in a few minutes he was sound asleep. Lou swayed with him with her eyes longingly focused on the door. Her eyes were getting heavy as the hour became later. The candle in the window was slowly melting down.

Lou looked at the packages wrapped and placed under the tree. One package was addressed to Henry. It was his first Christmas and Lou wanted it to be special. The other package was addressed to Kid. It was a new shirt she had made herself. He probably would not have had a new shirt for nearly a year. Lou tried not to be scared. She knew Kid was alive and he would be home any minute.

Henry's crying startled Lou as she stared at the candle in the window. She picked him up and sat in the rocker and gently sang her baby to sleep. The hour was late and Lou could not help letting her eyes drift closed. Kid had not come, but there was still tomorrow.

* * *

Kid urged Katy over the hill. He still could not believe he had done it. He left the cavalry without word to anyone. He hoped he might be counted among the dead from the last battle. He only needed to get home before any letters, telegrams, or casualty lists made it to Lou's eyes. Just thinking about Lou steeled Kid's resolve. He needed to get to her. It had been such a mistake to come back to Virginia. He knew that now. The magical place of his youth was much different than he remembered. Gone were the feelings of home the rolling hills and verdant valleys used to inspire. It was now just land to him….someone else's land. His home was in the west with Lou and his Pony Express family. He never should have left. He never should have taken her away from the safety of their family. He was a fool to think he would feel the same about this place. He was a fool to bring Lou out her and then leave her alone. He was going to fix it though. He was on his way now. He promised Lou he would be home for Christmas and he would or die trying.

Katy slowed as Kid pulled back on the reins. A soft glow of a flickering candle light showed through the woods. It was like a beacon guiding Kid home. The farm was well kept up and Kid led Katy into the barn and stabled her next to Lightning. He scooped her up some oats and made sure she had plenty of water. Seeing Lightning almost made this place home, but it was not the same as Rock Creek or Sweetwater. As soon as they were able to travel, he would take her away from here and back home where they belonged.

Gentle curls of smoke puffed out of the chimney as Kid walked to the house. It was very late and he was sure Lou would be asleep by now. He did not want to wake her suddenly. Kid carefully opened the door and his breath hitched as he took in the scene in front of him. Seated in the rocking chair was Lou. She was asleep and lying on her breast was an infant. Kid stared at them for several minutes before closing the door. He quietly walked over and took in the sight of his family. He put his hand out to touch them and then recoiled slowly. He could not wake them and ruin this beautiful picture. He looked at Lou's peaceful face and nearly gasped when he felt a tiny hand take hold of his pinky finger. The child had a nice strong grip. Kid could not help but smile.

Lou's eyes fluttered open and she smiled and then realized that he wasn't a dream. "Kid," she said. "I knew you'd make it home. I just knew it."

"I promised I would, Lou," Kid replied. "Who is this little one?"

"This is our son, Henry," Lou answered.

Kid smiled proudly. "Our son," he repeated. "Henry."

* * *

**Merry Christmas to all! Thank you to Leah for looking over part of this story. **


End file.
